my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
