i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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