I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize