she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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