Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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