...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
