apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
