im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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