The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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