She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
