remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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