if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
