I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize