I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
