we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
