3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
