this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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