I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
