so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
