Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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