No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
