i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A bitchslap is in order.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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