I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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