Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This toilet bowl is my home.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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