What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
