Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
