He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it because I queefed?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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