everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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