Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
