Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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