final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
