I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
