Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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