I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
