i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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