There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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