dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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