i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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