Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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