My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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