I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
