my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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