I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
