too bad you live with your parents still
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
