I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
operation harelip BJ is a go
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
