She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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