remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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