i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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