I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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