so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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