so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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