So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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