i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She needs sedatives and a leash
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
