At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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