I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
