I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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