we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
