I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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