Already got asked if we're dating
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
