my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
