8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
