And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
